Undisclosed Desires
by xBeautifulDiasaterx
Summary: Takes place a week after the episode Isobel  no Founder's Day and what I think should have happened. Tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They are property of the CW channel and L.J. Smith. **

Elena Gilbert glanced at her bed-side clock, 3:19 am. She looked down at the one sentence in front of her.

_Dear Diary,_

_I dreamt about him again._

He had haunted her dreams ever since the last meeting with Isobel a few weeks ago. Every night she had a different dream about him, but they all ended with Isobel's same words and a pair of intense blue eyes. And every night she jolted awake, never sure why.

Unconsciously, the scene with her birth mother swam into focus. Isobel's cool indifference. Stefan's resigned look at her words.

And Damon.

Damon's look of mild bewilderment with a mixture of hesitation… and something else (was it guilt?) as he had looked towards Stefan. She had panicked and deflected. Just as she had done that morning at the Grill when Isobel had asked her if she, like Katherine enjoyed them both. The question had made her uncomfortable. But Isobel's blatant announcement had changed everything.

He mind reverted to Damon. Damon Salvatore. And as much as she didn't want to delve into the subject, she found herself trying to figure out the older Salvatore. Damon had his vices. A lot more than most people. But she knew that as much as Damon had sworn to inflict an eternity of misery upon his younger brother, there was a lot more under the surface, like a fierce protectiveness, like she had seen that day at Pearl's. And she knew that that didn't come from hate. And just like that, she realized that Isobel was right. Damon's hesitant look towards Stefan had proved it.

She shuddered as she thought about the reasons that had made her hate Damon in the first place. His earlier heartless activities still chilled her bones. Mr. Tanner's and Lexi's cold-blooded murder. Vampire Vickie. The bite-marks all over Caroline. Bonnie being attacked.

And then the memories of the recent months flooded into her consciousness. Damon saving her from the car wreck. Their trip to Atlanta. Damon's watchful eye at the 50's dance. His compelling gaze at the Gilbert house when he was trying to figure out whether or not Stefan could be trusted. His expression when he found out that his brother had betrayed him. His look of shame after he tried to turn Elena into a vampire. His words, "I'm trusting you, don't make me regret it". His hurt when Katherine wasn't in the tomb. His guilt when he found out that he had turned Elena's birth mom. Dancing with him at the Miss Mystic party. His help in locking Stefan in the basement. His worry for Elena's safety.

And most of all, Pearl's house. She had never seen his concern more clearly. He had risked his life over and over again to save the brother who he claimed to hate. That's when she had been sure that there was good left in him. That the humanity that Stefan claimed was dead was only hidden. Hidden much below the surface.

She sighed and looked back at her diary, the words taking her back to that day in the parking lot, months ago. "_You want me. I get to you. You find yourself drawn to me. You think about me even when you don't want to think about me, I bet you even dreamed about me"_, he had said. Now she knew that he had tried to use compulsion. But now? She thought as she gingerly fingered the pendant around her neck, now it felt like a prophecy coming true.

She thought about his compelling blue eyes, the ones that she could never tear her eyes away from. She thought about how he always pretended not to care, but always worried about her. She thought about how she was the only person could see the good in him, while everybody else thought that he was the devil himself. But most importantly, she thought back at the time when Isobel said, _"That's because he's in love with you"_.

And she had felt her heart lurch out of her chest.

She looked at her bed-side clock again, 4:43 am. She closed her diary. She knew what she had to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They are property of the CW channel and L.J. Smith.**

**Chapter 2**

Damon Salvatore sat in front of the fireplace of the Salvatore Boarding House, a glass in hand. It had been one week, one week, he thought, since Isobel had so blatantly pronounced the words that had changed things. She had said out in the open what he hadn't wanted to admit to himself. Something that he didn't _want_ to admit to himself. Something that he had denied in himself for a while. But as soon as she had said it, he knew that it was true. Moreover, he knew that there was no going back.

Stefan's speech after the meeting with Isobel had initiated a dance of avoidance between the two brothers. But the most remarkable change that Damon thought was that Elena didn't come by the Boarding house anymore. Which meant that it had been a week since he had last seen her. But then again, he thought, he didn't think that he could stand being next to Elena, especially when he was sure that she wouldn't meet his eyes… or even worse, try to talk to him about Isobel's comment. And what would he say? Yes Elena, I'm in love with you. And every time I see you with my worthless little brother, every fiber in my being wants to tear him apart limb by limb? That since I died 145 years you're the first person who makes me want to keep my humanity? Frustrated, he threw the glass against the wall and watched as the pieced shattered on the floor.

He had spent the last 145 years renouncing every moral fiber, every moral thought , keeping his humanity at bay, so that Katherine… _Katherine_would realize that he was just like her. He had spent the last century and a half hoping that when Katherine was out of the tomb, she would realize that without a moment's hesitation that it was _him_ with who she belonged. That it was _he_ who deserved her. That it was _he_who lived like her.

Not Stefan. Never Stefan.

But Katherine, he smiled humorlessly, Katherine was in a league of her own. What wouldn't he have done for her? He had laid down his life, his after-life even for her. Spent the rest of eternity at her beck and call; hanging by here every word. He would have killed anyone; man, woman, child, if she had wished. He would have taken on vampire, witch, human or any other godforsaken thing to keep her safe, even if the odds were against him. He would have done anything. _Anything_ for her.

If only she had cared.

After he found out that she wasn't in the tomb, for the second time in his existence, he felt the same desolation, feeling of loss, his unwillingness to exist. Only this time, there wasn't speck of raison d'être. It was over. Everything he had lived and died and lived again for, was over. _Katherine_had never cared.

And then, _she_had saved him. She had hugged him that night. She was the first person who hadn't shrunk away in fear or disgust after learning what he was. After learning what a monster he was and everything that he had done and was capable of doing. She was the first person who had accepted his failing and shortcomings and _every single_negative quality that was his being, and still wanted to be there for him.

She was his glimmer of hope. She was the reason that he still walked. After she hugged him that day he knew that he was redeemable. That there was someone who if not loved, then cared for him. Throughout his life, he was never sure of Stefan's feelings for him. Damon had spent his afterlife trying to make Stefan's a living hell. And he knew that Stefan resented him for it. But with her hug, she had conveyed what he had only hoped that Katherine would. And now he had something to live for. _For her._

He heard his cell-phone ringing in a distant corner of the boarding house. He glance d at the clock, almost 5 am. With inhuman speed he managed to reach its phone before the ringing died. He sighed when he looked at the caller id.

"Too late for a booty call, dontcha think?", he paused as the person on the other side spoke. "I'll be there", he said.

**_Thank you for the reviews!_**

**_I'm new here so please tell me where I can improve =)_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They are property of the CW channel and L.J. Smith.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"You call a vampire to meet you at 10am? What kind of expert are you, Ric?" said Damon strolling into the bar of the Mystic Grill. Alaric Saltzman turned around to face the mocking voice. Damon grimaced when he saw the history teacher; he was a mess. The droopy eyelids and baggy eyes told him that Alaric had found an alternative to sleep: alcohol. And lots of it, that too, from the looks of it. Damon didn't have to look any more closely to find out exactly how many nights Alaric had spent like this. He was sure that it was the same number that he had spent indulging in the same activity: seven.

"But you're different. You and Stefan are different" slurred Alaric to his earlier statement. Even in his drunken stupor the implication behind his words was clear. Damon inwardly groaned. He knew that this was something that he would regret doing. But then again, he had spent the last seven days living in regret. It almost felt like a second nature, he thought amused. Plus he really wanted a drink. He waved to the bartender to get him his usual and took the seat next to Alaric.

"So what was so important that you had to call me at 5 in the morning? Another ex-wife-turned-vampire threatening to turn Mystic Falls into her buffet table?" said Damon, as the bartender handed him his bourbon. "But… Stefan has it. And so do you. I've seen it" went on Alaric as if he hadn't heard Damon. Actually, Damon was pretty sure that Alaric hadn't heard him at all. "What are you talking about, Ric? Fangs? My ring? Gorgeous hair? Though I have to say… Stefan's is more… ugh! Don't you think?" said Damon smirking into his drink.

"No! You lied. I'm talking about your _humanity_! I've seen it. I swear it's there! You can say what you want, but I know that it's there… and it's not as deep as everyone else thinks it is. That day at Pearl's. When we went to kill that vampire at Grove Hill. And then at the Miss Mystic falls dance, the way you were looking at…" before Alaric could finish or could even fathom what had happened, he found himself pushed up against the wall behind him, Damon's hand around his throat, choking him.

"You listen to me, Ric" said Damon in a low menacing voice, "when I say that it's turned off, it's turned off. You do _not_ want to provoke a vampire into doing something that he will _not_ regret. Something like chopping your hand off and then ripping you to shreds the next time you annoy me with your little soul-searching act. Do you understand?" Alaric nodded weakly and let go of his throat as fast as he had put it there, and went back to his drink as if nothing had just happened.

"If she wants to turn it on, she'll turn it on", continued Damon calmly, looking at his drink. "But if you ask me, as long as Isobel's working with Katherine, you might as well believe that she's dead. There's nothing to make you turn it on… until there's _something_. And if that something wasn't you in the past two years then it sure as hell won't be now" he finished, downing his drink.

Damon knew that choking Alaric at the Grill was a stupid move. But he was frustrated with himself because unknowingly, Alaric had hit home with his Elena comment, as if reminding him that it was the one thing that he couldn't have. That he had lost. He was annoyed that he had let a human history teacher discover this one nagging weakness of his. People were supposed to fear him, not convince him that he was human. He was Damon Salvatore. And he didn't lose. He turned to see Alaric's expression when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

Elena.

* * *

Elena walked into the Mystic Bar and Grill, nervously checking her watch. Drat, she thought, she was early. "Elena" said a voice right in front of her. Surprised and startled, she took a step back, the suddenness of her movement causing her to fall over and almost twist her ankle. Before she could hit the ground, an arm swooped under waist and held her up. She looked at the clear blue eyes that had haunted her dreams.

"Elena Gilbert. Always in need of a knight in shining armor. Forgive me if I can't be your regular white knight. I think black's more my color" said Damon with his signature smirk. She thought that beyond the words, she felt a tinge of fierceness which was burning in his eyes. As if saying this actually hurt some part of him.

Elena couldn't move. His arm was still around her waist and she found herself not being able to bring herself to move it. "Damon…" she started. "Are you okay?" he cut her off. All the humor in his eyes suddenly replaced by only what she could call concern. In that split second, she didn't know what to say. Looking into his eyes, she knew that he wasn't talking about her almost fall. He was talking about the past week. And with everything that had happened or not happened since. He was asking about her mother, and Stefan. And him. They were friends. But that had changed a week ago. What could she say? She wasn't sure where she stood with Damon anymore. Should she say yes and go back to keeping her distance from him, never allowing him to be part of her life? Or should she say no and tell him everything that had been going on in her mind for the past week. Every question, every answer, every thought about him. She knew that this was a make or break moment. That what she chose to do now would determine the rest of her relationship with Damon.

Her mind was reeling with the intensity of his gaze and their closeness. His breath on her face making her go weak in the knees. She searched for an answer in his eyes, but she didn't have to answer because just then Stefan's voice rang behind them, "What's going on in here?"

* * *

_I know it isn't much but tell me what you think!_


	4. Chapter 4

******Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They are property of the CW channel and L.J. Smith.**

******

* * *

**

"What's going on in here, Damon?" repeated Stefan with more force than the last time, moving in front of them.

Damon steadied Elena on her feel and turned around to face his younger brother. They stared each other down, as if daring the other to make the first move, their bodies tensed in anticipation of attack. The palpable tension between them was over-bearing for Elena, who suddenly felt suffocated between the two vampires as she realized the cause of the situation. Her head was spinning at the thought of one of the brothers hurting, or even killing the other. But the emotion that over-powered her was guilt.

Guilt that it was she who had caused this. Granted that the two had a rift that a few months of comrades could not bridge, but she could swear that in the recent weeks, there were moments, for even the briefest flash, when they were almost brothers again. Deep down, she knew that it wasn't her fault; that she had told neither brother to feel this way; that she was no Katherine; she hadn't led both brothers on. But she felt responsible for bringing to the surface those feelings which had ranged between them for 145 years. She looked at Damon's stiff posture next to her and couldn't help but wondering why. Why? She thought as anger started to build inside her. Was it because it because of Katherine? Was it because Damon saw in Elena what he had wanted to see in Katherine? Did he really WANT to be in love with the same girl as his brother _again_? Go down the same road? But this time, she thought resolutely, this time it was going to be different. She wouldn't do to them what Katherine had. Unlike her, she had chosen, she thought resolutely. She had chosen Stefan.

"It's alright, Damon. I'm ok. Thank you", she said coldly, answering his earlier question. This was what she had chosen and this was what she had to live with. Hell, this was what she _wanted _ to live with. Then Damon's eyes flashed in her direction and she suddenly knew why she had ever hesitated. Her anger melted. The hurt that had flashed in his eyes for a milli-second made her cringe and pulled her heart out of her chest.

Damon had showed her a side of him that no one knew still existed. And she knew that that side of him was damaged and vulnerable and was everything opposed to the strong and vicious appearance that everyone else believed to be him. He had opened up a part of him to her, almost let her in, and showed her that he really _did_ care. And she had just thrown that away. The way he had just looked t her, the intensity with which his eyes bore into hers, thrilled her, woke a part of her that she had thought died with her parents. He made her _live_ again. When he looked at her, she felt that he _knew_ her. That he _cared_ for her… and everyone knew that that was one thing that was possibly impossible for him to do. And the fact that he did only for her, made her feel special. It excited her. He always looked at her with a fierce kind of attraction which she only hoped that she never reciprocated, even though she knew that deep inside she felt it.

But before she could repair the damage Damon walked out of the Grill. Stefan's jaw was still clenched as he turned to face Elena, "Elena, are you alright?" she nodded as he continued, "you said you wanted to talk?". "Let's go somewhere a little more private" said Elena, looking around the Grill which was rapidly filling up. Stefan nodded and followed her out to her car.

They drove in silence as Elena tried to figure out her thoughts. Stefan didn't interrupt her, and she was grateful for that. Stefan understood what she wanted. Always. And that's what made him… Stefan. Dependable Stefan. Caring Stefan. Her boyfriend Stefan. This wasn't right for her. She shouldn't even have considered Damon, even for a second. She had Stefan and he was the perfect boyfriend. And that was all she needed. But Damon… she didn't want to get back into that. She was consumed with guilt with how the parting had been. Damon had been concerned… and she had blown him off. It wasn't right.

She reached the old, ruined Salvatore mansion. She knew that both Stefan and Damon had a real attachment to this place. Maybe it was because this was where they grew up. Maybe because this was where they had been human. Maybe because this was the place where they had lived together as brothers. Maybe because this was where they had met Katherine.

"Elena, what' s the matter?" said Stefan, snapping her out of her thoughts, "did he say something?" he continued, his jaw clenching, "do something?"

Elena realized that he was still angry about what had happened at the Grill. She didn't know how to answer, but before she could say anything, Stefan said, "you seem upset. Whatever he said Elena, don't listen to him. He's only here to cause trouble."

As soon as she heard that, something snapped. The anger that she had suppressed earlier at the Grill, came bubbling back to the surface, only this time she didn't hold it in.

"You know what, Stefan?" she snapped. "I'm sick of this. This is not what I signed up for." "No, I'm not talking about you being a vampire", she said as she saw Stefan open his mouth to say something. "I'm talking about you and your brother being in some sort of competition _all the time_. And you know why it upsets me, it's always because I'm always in the middle of it!"

"I'm sick of treading around on eggshells when the both of you are together, afraid that I'm going to say something or do something and one of you is going to end up hurting, or even _killing_ the other. And it would be all _my_ fault. I'm fine with you being a vampire. That I can handle. But what I can't handle are your deep-rooted brother issues that come between us at every point. What I can't handle is the fact that the both of you always have something to prove to each other. What I can't handle is that fact that its me who's running around coping with your family melodrama, while mine at home is always falling apart!"

"Damon is my friend. And he's your brother. And the fact that you don't trust him enough to not hurt me _infuriates_ me because _I _trust him to not do that. And if, for one second, you shoved all your prejudices aside you would see it too. Stefan, it's been a century and a half of the two of you being thing way. Don't you get tired of it? He's your brother, Stefan. You _need_ to trust him. At least, you need to trust me to trust him. "

Saying this, she walked back to the car still seething, angry tears pouring down her face and drove back home.

* * *

I'm sorry its taken me this long!

Tell me what you think!


End file.
